Kiss
Puke
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize