I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
