Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize