Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
