does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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