Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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