who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
