Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize