dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
