it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
