Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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