does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
