People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize