I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
