She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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