a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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