shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
