I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
