Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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