Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Still dying that you shit outside
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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