She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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