I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
