There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
