Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize