I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize