I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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