yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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