I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize