I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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