M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
