24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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