May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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