I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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