Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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