Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
