I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
