its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
