finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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