I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
