remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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