did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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