I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
