so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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