If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
