I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
