never play flip cup with pint glasses
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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