Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
