he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
