Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
