so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
