definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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