if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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