Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
