very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
