Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
