....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
