I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
