We're like a lot better than the average bears
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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