im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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