Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
