You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
