There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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