Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
