I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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