I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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