You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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