So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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