Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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