Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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