I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
