Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
