Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
