hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im six kinds of drunk right now
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
