I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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