when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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