Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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