That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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