Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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