Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
