sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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