if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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