people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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