we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
