He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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