Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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