The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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