; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
