I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize