I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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