i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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