I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
