saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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