We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize