Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
