Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Randomize
