I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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