She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
