Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
