Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
