Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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