when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
