I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
