i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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