i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
