My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize