Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
