The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
