Me. At least after what I've been through.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
