Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
