You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
