i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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