You just made me feel so damn special
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
